I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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