What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
