he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
