There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
