Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
