i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
