i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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