He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
