are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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