i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
