OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
