please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
