Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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