this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
