I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
