Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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