we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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