grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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