his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
