NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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