we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
