So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
