Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
