I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
