yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
