How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
