I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
