I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
