i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
