Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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