it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
