her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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