Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
