There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
