that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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