My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
