woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
