Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Holy sore nipples Batman
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
