im six kinds of drunk right now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
