there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
