We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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