Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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