You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
