i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
