the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
