I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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