My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
