Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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