so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
