i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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