trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
