we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What a dumb baby whore.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
