a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
