there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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