Whod you bang
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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