Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
