idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
