you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
