Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
